Pop Quiz: What is the key to great sex? Is it mastering foreplay? Being well endowed? Knowing all the positions in Kamasutra?

I had girl talk on the phone with a close friend of mine earlier this week who revealed that she had the worst sex in her life. What she said next had me rolling on the floor. She said, “He had a big d**k so I thought he could do it well.”

Isn’t this the age-old myth? That a man with a big penis is better at having sex?

Great sex has nothing to do with how big your penis is, how small/tight your vagina is or how freaky you are. Whoever said this, clearly has been having terrible sex. 

It’s about curiousity and open-mindedness. It’s about understanding pleasure, intimacy and satisfaction. It’s adapting and adjusting when things get weird. 
And trust me, they do.

You’ll have more weird moments than you could ever imagine.

Here are some guidelines for having steamy, toe-curling sex.

1. Know what you want

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard persons giving vague descriptions as it relates to what they desire sexually. Knowing what turns you on, what you like or dislike is a major factor in having pleasurable sex. It helps your partner to know how to get you where you want to go. 
If you don’t know, he won’t, and no one will be getting off. 

2. Great sex is planned

Some persons believe that spontaneous sex is the only way to have sex, but that’s not true. Maybe in the initial stages of courtship but planned sex has just the same impact. For example, if you intend to have sex with your significant other on Saturday night, the week leading up to the day sets the stage for heavy foreplay.  I call it “sexual anticipation”.
So a nude picture here, graphic description of the positions you want it in there, equals to the perfect recipe to create arousal as it cooks up all kind of fantasies of what could happen on the sex date.

3. Great sex = Communication

Communication is everything when it comes to intimacy. It isn’t about putting new moves on someone and hoping they reciprocate. It’s talking about and expressing what you need as well as what your partner wants and needs.
It’s about saying ‘ Yes right there’ or ‘I like when you do that’. It’s also saying when it hurts or when you don’t like it and when to stop. Don’t endure pain just because you don’t want to ruin the mood. Your partner will understand and if they don’t then you should not be having sex with them.

4. There is no pressure

You don’t need to do anything you’re not comfortable with. You shouldn’t feel pressured to do any act or be anyone you’re not. If your partner is pressuring you, then you should discuss it.
There are a lot of materials about sex but they are based on stereotypes and traditional gender roles. Write your rules and remember that the rest is still unwritten.

What are some of your rules/tips for great sex?

Hey, Guys and Gals! I hope your Easter is going extremely well. Unlike, mine which has been a roller coaster all weekend as I’m battling the flu.👎😷

Sucks…I know.

The weird bodily fluids took it upon themselves to organize a strike during the holidays, shutting down the normal operational activities of my body.
*Shakes head* Good help is so hard to find these days?

I hate getting sick. I will admit that when I am, I’m stubborn, more needy, miserable and require every ounce of attention when trying to recover. Overall, I’m a big baby.
Nick can vouch for this as he’s the one nursing me back to health, although I refuse to take any of it the easy way. I mean come on….I may feel weak and woozy sometimes, coughing every second….. You know what? I’m just going to do what he says.

I mean I have one foot in the grave so I might as well try to get better.

 Here’s a list of some of the methods I’ve been using to keep the flu at bay.
1. Honey and Lime (for a sore throat)
2. DPH
3. Salt Wash ( for a sore throat)
4. Lots of soup
5. Drinking fluids
6. Rosemary Oil (to ease congestion)
7. Resting (most important)

However, I didn’t let the flu stop me. As I went to Portland to experience the magic that is Somerset Falls. I’ll post that later this week. Of course, it was a challenge as I was full of phlegm, galavanting in the rain, as it was a rainy day in Portland, with nothing but my peach bath suit on, full of cough syrup.

Now that I’m back home, I’m feeling the effects of my ‘wild child’ moment, sipping on DPH (more like forced by Nick), binge watching How I Met Your Mother for the umpteen time, waiting for the drowsiness to set in. 

It’s been two hours.

Anyways Guys, take the necessary precautions to avoid getting sick this weekend as I’ve noticed there’s a nasty bug is going around. Wash your hands regularly and sanitize!

Let me know some of the methods or things you do to get rid of the flu.

Everyone has one.

One terrible relationship (for me two) that lasted waaaaay too long and had you asking yourself at the end of it, “What the f**k was I thinking?”

Happens to the best of us….trust me.

I’ve had those moments where I reflect on how far I’ve come and I cringe at how oblivious I was to sh*t-storm that was heading my way. I guess it was a needed lesson for me to put away the rose coloured glasses and understand that there are a**holes in the world.

I was rather naive in my teenage years and I’m embarrassed to say that I didn’t learn my lesson the first, second or third time around. It took me being dropped off at some corner like a prostitute by my ex, who was supposed to be my ride home, at 1 a.m. and at the mercy of some pretty shady characters, to finally get a grip on my reality.

Right after shedding a few tears.

Yeah, I cried. I was nineteen and he was that guy who turned heads by walking into a room, the one who made me mad and then have me smiling like an idiot. But he was also that guy who played mind games, who made me feel important for a minute and then the lowest life form in another, that guy who I clearly had nothing in common with but somehow convinced myself that I did. The one who constantly wanted to see me…..just to borrow money. 

Classic A-hole!

This blog post isn’t a rant about him being a bad person because I’ve gotten over it. He wasn’t the one for me and I was okay with that.

Lie!…I wasn’t all that okay with it then. I mean I showed up at his school to bash his face in with a board that had two iron nails sticking out of it. Come to think of it, I hammered those nails in earlier that day.

But I’m okay with it now. He was the obstacle on my journey to better person and judge of character. His placement in my life helped me to know my worth and to make better choices so I decided to take my experience as a blessing and move on because I refused to allow it to hinder my happiness.

On the other hand, If he wasn’t an A-hole, I wouldn’t have met the man who knew my worth.  Its no secret that my current relationship exceeds any expectations I could have possibly had. He healed me in ways I didn’t know I needed and his love helped me to overcome traits that held me back from discovering happiness.

Whether you’ve been through it or going through it now, look at your terrible experience and see the positives. You may be feeling like you are the problem or thinking what you could have done better but the problem isn’t you…it’s him. This is your transformative moment, where you realize that if you want that mind-blowing relationship, you have to figure out what your priorities are. 

Don’t dwell on what you couldn’t change, acknowledge that it happened but don’t let it define you. You have the opportunity to learn and grow from that relationship.

Who was your a**hole? What was your defining moment? Leave me your thoughts below.

My cubicle is basically a 9-5 jail sentence. On some days, it’s okay and other days, I wish I had a bottle of vodka to get through it. Here are twelve of my top pet peeves that ruin my day at work.

1. When a colleague borrows a pen and never returns it

2. Coworker who steals your labelled food or drink from the fridge

3. When you see somebody leave the bathroom without washing their hands

4. When your coworker returns from lunch with horrible stink breath

5. When the shared microwave becomes a canvas of stains

6. People looking at my computer screen over my shoulder.
Yes….I can hear and feel you breathing down my neck.

7. When someone fails to replace a file they removed

8. When it’s time to clock out and a coworker pulls you on a project last minute (especially when it has nothing to do with you)

9. When there’s no toilet paper left and the last person who used it, didn’t refill….Sad to say but the longer I wait in the stall, the more likely my other clothing becomes a viable candidate in place of toilet paper.

10. When a coworker committed a wrongful act against you and then plays the victim.

11. When lunch time is the only peace you get, but a coworker wants to talk to you

12. When you’re obviously getting your tasks done and a coworker constantly wants to share their ‘ideas’ to lighten the workload (which ultimately increases your workload while they slack off)

Share your pet peeves below! Have a great weekend!!

Not everybody will like or love my hair and that’s ok.

I love my natural hair.

I have been natural all my life….25 years to be exact. I have experimented with colours, protective styles but I’ve never ventured the processed hair road. Mainly because I was scared to lose my edges and the idea just didn’t appeal to me.

I made the decision to loc my hair on August 19, 2015, and I think it was and still is the best decision I’ve made for my hair. I can wash and go as I please and not worry about what the wind will do to my hair, I don’t have to host the weekly face off with the knots in my hair and the dryer anymore ( I know those of you with loose natural hair know what I’m talking about) and I’m now able to put my hair in a bun without the assistance of a second or third person.

It has been a liberating journey but it wasn’t always so. Here are some of the things that I’ve learnt on this journey.

1. Everyone will question your decision

This happened frequently when I was in the decision-making process. A friend of mine actually said that I would not look good with locs, that it was better to process my hair. While I could have argued with them about this, I decided not to because not everyone would/will understand or even agree with your views and that’s fine. So, I listened to those friends and family members who had opposing views on the matter, however, I was resolute in my belief as did my mother and early that August morning, I was at the Beautiful Earth Haven Salon undergoing my transformations. 

2. Patience

Patience is key in this process. Of course, I did extensive research on locs for months. I had already conditioned my mind that this would be a slow and somewhat frustrating process so I was ready to embrace it. I embraced all the frizz, all the unruliness of my hair ( honestly, it wasn’t all that unruly). Of course, I had moments (still do) where I see some women with their long beautiful locs and think ‘when will I get there?’ For the first three months, I had a serious case of Loc envy. One thing to remember, let your hair do its thing. It knows what it wants and what it will become so be patient and don’t force it.

3. Myths

There will be endless conversations on myths regarding locs. From myths like ‘locs are dirty, they can’t be styled to you’ll have to shave your head when you change your mind’. The myths are NOT true as I said I did a TON of research.
I don’t know who is spreading these false facts but your locs are as clean as you want them to be. I wash my hair every week or whenever I feel the urge to and I style it often. As for the ‘shave your head’ part, that is a personal choice, usually for those with sister-locks. There is a pull-down process which takes awhile you’ll have to find out from your salon about the cost for the service. It’s important to do your research, once you have the facts, you’ll easily be able to identify the myths.

4. Every journey is unique

Regularly I get hit with the ‘how can I get my hair like yours?’ questions and the answer is…..you can’t. No hair quality is alike, yours is different from mine and from every other loc’d haired person in the world. Educate yourself by understanding how to achieve healthy hair based on a personal regime, the ingredients of products you use and learn the dos and donts. Join communities and forums and learn from others. The key thing to take away, don’t stress! let your hair do all the work just treat it well.

Do you have locs? I would love to hear about your experience in the comment section.