Hey, guys! I hope you had a great week!

Let’s talk about relationships and not just any kind of relationship, but one of the most important relationship there is, aka the relationship with OURSELVES. Today I want to give you the best advice about self-love.

I spotted this quote by Lucille Ball earlier this week: “Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” Can I get an amen?!

Often, we spend time maintaining social relationships and pouring ourselves into others without realizing that we aren’t feeding ourselves the same love. Imagine how you treat yourself on a daily basis if you were another person, in a relationship with you.

Are you kind to yourself? 

If I answered this question for myself, the answer would be no. I continually beat myself up over things I believe could be better in my life. Either it is my weight, where I am in my career, my not so flawless skin. However, at the drop of a hat, I’d be ready to tell a friend that they’re crazy for thinking that anything is wrong with them.
​​SML

I grew up in a household where encouragement was a little thing called tough love. I can recall one day when I came home from school (I believe I was in 8th grade) with a test score of 80%. The first thing out of my mom’s mouth was, “Why couldn’t you have gotten 100%?” Hence, my fixation on the negatives.

Something I have learned over the past months is that self-love is something that I have to practice each day conscientiously. The moment I began to practice the art of self-love is the very moment I began to see the positives in life.

Since meeting Nick, I have been more open to the positivity around me. He’s played a part in helping me focus on the positives attributes of myself and life. It hasn’t been easy, and I do have days where I have many doubts about my abilities, but reciting my positive affirmations helps. 

Here’s my prescription for self-love:

1. Create a self-love ritual – My thing to do is unwinding with one of my favorite shows whether it be comedy or drama coupled with wine (if available at home) while applying my face mask. Other times, I’ll unwind with a good book. 

2. Practice daily affirmations. You would be surprised at how well this works. A few simple words powerful enough to change your mood. 

3. Learning to say no.  Don’t over-schedule, over-book or over-commit. We usually feel compelled to help others, but over time, we are only harming ourselves and opening doors to becoming taken advantage of. Saying no doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you smart.

4. Give up the need for approval from others. “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the word, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” – Dita Von Tesse

5. Keep your self-talk positive. Turn down the volume on your inner critic and choose to be your best coach or cheerleader. I’m still working on this one.

6. Lastly, Learn to forgive yourself. As humans, we are our own worst critics. We are not built to be perfect. We make mistakes. Use each opportunity, good or bad, to grow. Sometimes we just need to stop and remind ourselves that we are human. Be gentle with yourself.

Self-love is a journey. It takes devotion and practice, Resolve to love yourself every day and watch how your life will change for the better.

I would like for us to try an exercise in the comments section together. Share three things you love about yourself. 

Here are mine: 1.) I love how pleased I feel when others are happy, 2.) I love my ability to make others laugh, 3.) I love my corny jokes! Your turn 😉

Pop Quiz: What is the key to great sex? Is it mastering foreplay? Being well endowed? Knowing all the positions in Kamasutra?

I had girl talk on the phone with a close friend of mine earlier this week who revealed that she had the worst sex in her life. What she said next had me rolling on the floor. She said, “He had a big d**k so I thought he could do it well.”

Isn’t this the age-old myth? That a man with a big penis is better at having sex?

Great sex has nothing to do with how big your penis is, how small/tight your vagina is or how freaky you are. Whoever said this, clearly has been having terrible sex. 

It’s about curiousity and open-mindedness. It’s about understanding pleasure, intimacy and satisfaction. It’s adapting and adjusting when things get weird. 
And trust me, they do.

You’ll have more weird moments than you could ever imagine.

Here are some guidelines for having steamy, toe-curling sex.

1. Know what you want

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard persons giving vague descriptions as it relates to what they desire sexually. Knowing what turns you on, what you like or dislike is a major factor in having pleasurable sex. It helps your partner to know how to get you where you want to go. 
If you don’t know, he won’t, and no one will be getting off. 

2. Great sex is planned

Some persons believe that spontaneous sex is the only way to have sex, but that’s not true. Maybe in the initial stages of courtship but planned sex has just the same impact. For example, if you intend to have sex with your significant other on Saturday night, the week leading up to the day sets the stage for heavy foreplay.  I call it “sexual anticipation”.
So a nude picture here, graphic description of the positions you want it in there, equals to the perfect recipe to create arousal as it cooks up all kind of fantasies of what could happen on the sex date.

3. Great sex = Communication

Communication is everything when it comes to intimacy. It isn’t about putting new moves on someone and hoping they reciprocate. It’s talking about and expressing what you need as well as what your partner wants and needs.
It’s about saying ‘ Yes right there’ or ‘I like when you do that’. It’s also saying when it hurts or when you don’t like it and when to stop. Don’t endure pain just because you don’t want to ruin the mood. Your partner will understand and if they don’t then you should not be having sex with them.

4. There is no pressure

You don’t need to do anything you’re not comfortable with. You shouldn’t feel pressured to do any act or be anyone you’re not. If your partner is pressuring you, then you should discuss it.
There are a lot of materials about sex but they are based on stereotypes and traditional gender roles. Write your rules and remember that the rest is still unwritten.

What are some of your rules/tips for great sex?

Everyone has one.

One terrible relationship (for me two) that lasted waaaaay too long and had you asking yourself at the end of it, “What the f**k was I thinking?”

Happens to the best of us….trust me.

I’ve had those moments where I reflect on how far I’ve come and I cringe at how oblivious I was to sh*t-storm that was heading my way. I guess it was a needed lesson for me to put away the rose coloured glasses and understand that there are a**holes in the world.

I was rather naive in my teenage years and I’m embarrassed to say that I didn’t learn my lesson the first, second or third time around. It took me being dropped off at some corner like a prostitute by my ex, who was supposed to be my ride home, at 1 a.m. and at the mercy of some pretty shady characters, to finally get a grip on my reality.

Right after shedding a few tears.

Yeah, I cried. I was nineteen and he was that guy who turned heads by walking into a room, the one who made me mad and then have me smiling like an idiot. But he was also that guy who played mind games, who made me feel important for a minute and then the lowest life form in another, that guy who I clearly had nothing in common with but somehow convinced myself that I did. The one who constantly wanted to see me…..just to borrow money. 

Classic A-hole!

This blog post isn’t a rant about him being a bad person because I’ve gotten over it. He wasn’t the one for me and I was okay with that.

Lie!…I wasn’t all that okay with it then. I mean I showed up at his school to bash his face in with a board that had two iron nails sticking out of it. Come to think of it, I hammered those nails in earlier that day.

But I’m okay with it now. He was the obstacle on my journey to better person and judge of character. His placement in my life helped me to know my worth and to make better choices so I decided to take my experience as a blessing and move on because I refused to allow it to hinder my happiness.

On the other hand, If he wasn’t an A-hole, I wouldn’t have met the man who knew my worth.  Its no secret that my current relationship exceeds any expectations I could have possibly had. He healed me in ways I didn’t know I needed and his love helped me to overcome traits that held me back from discovering happiness.

Whether you’ve been through it or going through it now, look at your terrible experience and see the positives. You may be feeling like you are the problem or thinking what you could have done better but the problem isn’t you…it’s him. This is your transformative moment, where you realize that if you want that mind-blowing relationship, you have to figure out what your priorities are. 

Don’t dwell on what you couldn’t change, acknowledge that it happened but don’t let it define you. You have the opportunity to learn and grow from that relationship.

Who was your a**hole? What was your defining moment? Leave me your thoughts below.

Its 10 am, I’m at work and it’s raining. 

Greeeat.

I have a love/hate relationship with rain. I hate when it rains if I’m not home. When I’m home, I can wrap myself in a blanket from my head to my toes and cozy up to my pillows and binge watch something on Netflix.  However, when I’m not home, I find myself disgusted with the rain. Parts of my body itch for no particular reason, I visit the bathroom more frequently even when I’ve had nothing to drink.

But my biggest displeasure of the rain is mud.

If I should have a nemesis, mud would be it. Is it just me or does the sight of mud triggers your number 2 senses? 

Just me…..okay!

I believe mud is the stepsister of p**p. More importantly, the step sister of cow poop.

Some of you may say, “She must have had a bad experience with mud?” Guess what you’re half right!

I had a bad experience with a cow.

It was my grandfather’s cow named Bessy. 

Sidenote: I think Bessy is the universal name for every cow.

Anyways…..

I won’t go into that story. Long story short, I was twelve, Bessy made a sudden aggressive movement, I ran, tripped and was faced down in cow dung (p**p).

On the other hand, I’ve had some fond memories with the rain.

My favorite moment, “The day Nick decided to rescue me from the puddle”. Of course, a puddle is an understatement, it was as if several fire hydrants were broken in the middle of New Kingston. (For those of you who are not familiar with New Kingston, it is the corporate city of Jamaica)

It was a Wednesday afternoon, the rain had drenched the city earlier, the skies became clear and the time to head home descended. I quickly changed out of my stiletto heels and into my flats. Underestimating the amount of rainfall earlier, Nick and I proceeded to walk into the direction of the Pegasus Hotel in order to beat the crowd to catch the number 127 bus to Spanish Town.

However, upon making it to Triple Century (local restaurant), we were faced with ample amounts of water which threatened to wash away our feet if we dared to cross. Our dilemma escalated when we saw the 127 approaching in the opposite direction of where we stood.

‘Oh fudge! I won’t be able to make the bus. Now, I will be stuck going to Half Way Tree’, I thought to myself.

Mentally preparing myself for the epic bus battle in Half Way Tree, Nick blurted out, “I have to lift you and carry you across!”

“No, no, no. Me ago drop if yuh do that,” I exclaimed.

But the determination on his face told me that today was the day I was going to be carried.

Noticing the bus driving away, I bargained, “Let it pass. I’ll catch the other one.”

“The stoplight is red, we can make it. Just let me carry you across,” he said clearly annoyed that I wouldn’t trust him.

“Alright,” I said in defeat. I’ve learned not to argue with him. Once he makes up his mind, I just have to support it.

He attempted to pick me up but I protested as I saw flashes of me falling out of his arms and into the middle of the street.

The stoplight turned green and the bus proceeded to drive away. Secretly relieved that Nick’s plan was foiled, it was soon short lived, the bus was held up once again at the second stoplight between Barbados Avenue and Knutsford Boulevard.

Before I could even take a breath, Nick scooped all 145 pounds of me into his arms bridal style and carried me across the puddle and the street.

This act caught me by such surprise, I was amazed at my ability to not pee my pants in that instance. 

I was so focused on not falling, that it took me a few seconds to realize on-lookers were applauding and cheering Nick’s brave and selfless act.

We ran towards the bus and boarded before the second stoplight changed to green.

Onboard, the driver along with a few passengers lauded Nick for his gallantry.

Finally seated and grateful that the Half Way Tree battle was postponed, I couldn’t help but smile. He was my knight in shining armor….My Superman.